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A time to hold/ a time to let go.

Holding on to things...some people do it with stuff, others with emotions and still others with people. When its with stuff we call those people hoarders. When it's emotions we say that person is (insert psychological diagnosis here). When it's people its co-dependency. It's the last one that I've been thinking about and trying to work on. If you know me I'm not big on stuff, I live completely behind the 6 month rule of use it or get rid of it. Emotions - I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve these days even though I wish I didn't. But people - that's a hard one for me. There's that overwhelming sense of not wanting to be alone. To want to know that I have my person out there. So in order to feel like that, even though I know that I have people out there, I've been holding onto a person that in all honesty I should have let go awhile ago...probably more like 2 or 3 years ago. But there was something that kept me there in a friendship and relationship that wasn't healthy. I held on because I was afraid to let go because to be without someone seemed to be worse then staying and losing myself more every day. But that's backward logic and I lost a lot of myself in the process. What I thought was great wasn't and I missed some opportunities in the process. I missed being myself most importantly. And I've wanted to hold on to this person because I thought that this was the best that I could do and maybe all I deserved. But in reality I deserve so much more then that. While I feel that I'm closing a door to this person in reality I'm opening the door to myself, to find all of me again and to find what I truly deserve and want in my life. Holding on can be good for a time but it's time to let go and find myself and to hold onto that.

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