The World's Okayest Pastor

For new readers and those who don't know me, I'm fat. Medically labeled "morbidly obese." I have always been fat since I can remember. It's a multifaceted part of my reality: it's part my choice, part genetics. I am well aware that I need to work on this. I'm reminded every time I go to the doctor: need a flu shot - you're fat. Have an ear infection - you're fat. Cat bite - discharge instructions start with you're morbidly obese (I'm not kidding). You lost weight and still think something's off - loose more weight. I have been working on addressing my weight and have managed to loose and keep off just under 80 pounds. Do I still have a lot more weight to loose? Yup. I didn't become this size overnight and taking this off won't happen overnight either. A few weeks ago, a friend stopped by to visit me on their journey to vacation. As they were preparing to leave, I get stopped and asked to sit. I was told that they're concerne...

In June 2024. Louisiana Governor, Jeff Landry, signed a bill that requires the 10 Commandments, along with other historical documents, be displayed in all state funded K-12 and university classrooms by 2025. While this seems like a harmless thing and a way to strengthen or bring back the "moral fabric" of America, I stand in opposition to this law and the similar bills that are floating around several states. First - I have a hard time claiming the Protestant, Christian bible as a historical document. While some of the stories contained in the bible can be found in other accounts, that are in fact historical documents, the bible as a whole is not historical. As we know the Protestant, Christian bible - it is not in chronical order. There are multiple accounts of several stories within the bible. And from what scholars have found, the authors of the Protestant, Christian bible never claimed to be documenting history. They are sharing their experiences and trying to answer ques...

  In the aftermath of the events of Paris and San Bernadino, California, there has been quite the backlash against all Muslims. We now have political candidates stating that we need to "register" Muslims and block Muslims from entering the country. The fear and hate speech is out of control and based on ignorance, not the facts. A country that once said that we welcomed people is now saying we welcome only those who look, act, and believe like those in control.   So as a pastor, let me tell you why I love my Muslim brothers and sisters. First off they are not out to wage a violent, blood "holy way = jihad" against anyone. Jihad is the struggle each Muslim has, within themselves, to lead the most holy and right life. It is not about bloodshed and "killing the infidel." Any Muslim who claims to believe in a holy killing war is misguided and has been denounced by the majority of the world's Muslims. As I write this post, the Western Christian world is in...

  The “war on Christmas” has begun. Or at least that’s what some Christians want us to think. Because  Starbucks , a company that has never claimed to be Christian, chose to have red cups without snowflakes, Santa or reindeer on them (just a reminder that none of those are Christian symbols), there is a "war on Christmas."   Once the “cup controversy” hit the news, old articles and videos came back about how using the abbreviation “Xmas” was anti Christmas and Christian. To address the "Xmas controversy," let’s learn a little Greek. X or “Chi” is the first Greek letter used in spelling “Christ” and is a common Christian symbol representing Jesus Christ. Therefore Xmas is Christian and appropriate for Christmas.   But regardless of what we choose to learn and teach about what’s Christian or not, I’d like to pose two bigger questions: why does the color of a coffee cup mean a person’s faith is being questioned and why do Christians feel that just because...

  As a minister I have the honor of performing rites and ceremonies for people at a variety of stages of life: baptisms, blessings, marriages, funerals, etc. I usually enjoy planning and leading these events. But lately I've had a rash of folks shocked that as a minister, I would have a fee to do some of these services. So lets talk about why I have fees.   To start with, if you are a member of my congregation you do get my services as a part of my contract with the congregation as long as they are spelled out in the contract. Generally if you're a member of the congregation I serve, it is expected that I will preform baptisms, blessings, funerals, weddings, etc for you because I want to remind you of God's continuous blessing in your life and especially at important moments in your life.   However some folks are shocked that there would be an honorarium suggested for the minister. The reality is that these blessings, weddings, funerals, etc. are extra work in our wee...

  A pastor is first and foremost human. We generally love to walk with people on their journeys; births, relationships, baptisms, illnesses, deaths. But just as these events happen in non-church situations they happen in the life of your pastor. They may happen directly to us, it may be to "our people" - friends, family, those who support/love/care for us.     Church members/parishioners try to be there for us. Some of them are really good about being there for their pastors. Sometimes they really get things and know when we need a break/to cry/to laugh/to go home/etc. But at the end of the day, the reality is that pastors rarely can be that vulnerable with their church members. Sometimes its considered a boundaries violation to share their personal life with their church members. Other times a pastor has to be concerned about if sharing any personal information will come back later to be used against them. I know this sounds bad and it's not something I believe that ch...

This week's Vanity Fair cover is the public debut pictures of Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Bruce. The ESPY's announced that Caitlyn would be receiving the Arthur Ashe Courage Award this year. What has followed as been interesting and disturbing to watch. Caitlyn has gotten a lot of attention for being "beautiful." And while she is very beautiful, why is it that all people can describe her as is beautiful or that's the starting point? Why does being a woman equal a social understanding of what is to be beautiful? What about using words like courageous, loving, smart, devoted, strong, etc.? A woman is more than what society deems as beautiful or pretty but that seems to be all society focuses on. Who doesn't like to feel and look beautiful but that's not the main thing that should define a person. Hey society lets expand our descriptions of people, and women in particular, past looks? Now lets talk about courage - there has been a backlash about why...

Congratulations Class of 2015 and also to your families.  You've  made it to the finish line of high school. Next week you will receive your diplomas and will be officially adults by all standards. You’ll get the speeches that include hearing “The Giving Tree” and other stories to inspire you as you go about what the future holds for you. And while I could use this time to read you one of those inspirational stories, I’m not.           Instead I’m going to boil it all down for you. Our hopes, dreams and prayers for you all are really this; that you all will be decent human beings in all that you say, do and be. That  doesn't  seem to be that big of a task. But when we look back at scripture, the accounts of people trying to live a life that is faithful and aligns with God’s purpose for creating us, we see that it’s harder then we think. Ecclesiastes reminds us that there are times for everything. You will be c...

As a pastor, I get asked a lot of questions about a lot of things. Often times, folks ask me questions that I can't answer. It's not that I don't want to or that I don't have my personal opinions. It's that there are just some things that I can't give an answer too. It's those universal questions - why me, why did this happen, why now, why? I wish I could provide answers for folks because usually by the time someone comes to me asking these questions they're in a place of deep searching - a yearning for answers. Often times these questions are triggered by a major life event: divorce or break up of a significant relationship, death, major illness, violence, just to name a few. Please know that I ask these questions right along with you too. While I believe that God is in these situations, that doesn't mean I'm not hurt, upset, bothered, angered by these things. The latest funeral I performed was for a sweet member of my church. While they had hea...

CADCA (Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America) held its annual Forum in Washington DC February 2-5. Every year coalitions from all 50 states and several US territories come together to share their ideas, stories, petition Congress for continued support and to learn about the changing trends on the topics of substance abuse. I was very fortunate that I was able to attend this year. My focus was on prescription and OTC (over-the-counter) drug abuse, especially with youth. I attended many workshops on the issue and all of the attendees heard from the current and past drug czars. While illegal drugs, alcohol, and tobacco use are still very much an issue, prescription and OTC drug use is on the rise. Why? Because the ease of availability. Think about your own home for a moment - where do you keep your bottle of pain reliever? Do you have cold/cough/flu medications in your home? Where do you keep your medications? Are they locked up? I know the answer in my home and many others i...

Next week is the yearly main fundraiser where I work. It's a yearly event that's been going on for a couple of years. At the beginning of the month the group in charge of planning met again to go over details. Plans were made, volunteers gathers and things were agreed upon. This past Sunday, 2 people (1 who was at this meeting and 1 who wasn't) decided to undo everything that was agreed upon. When I remind these folks that things were already decided upon by a group and people had a plan, they pretty much decided that they didn't care and were going ahead with their plans. This has become a fundraiser that has cost more than it's brought in because of these types of issues. They run off people, they're not welcoming and they can't make a commitment to follow a plan and micro-manage everything. I just have to believe that things don't need to be this complicated. I believe so often folks feel the need to try to gain some sense of control and power, that...

Yesterday Flight MH 17 was shot down over Ukraine. I am saddened and heart sick that this is the level the world needs to go to in order to gain some fleeting feeling of control. I have, am and will continue to pray for those who died and are affected by this tragic event. But what makes me concerned is that from the moment that word hit "the wire" that there was a plane crash, the media was "breaking into" programs to broadcast images and tweets from Twitter about what may or may not have happened. It's not that I'm worried about the news bulletin that the crash happened. I'm most concerned that before any one knew what had happened speculation was being flung around as news. I'm concerned that we had to spend hours looking at the broadcast of black smoke. Folks died, people are mourning - how is this honoring those lives? How is this responsible reporting? A popular response to these concerns is "well turn off the TV." Guess what, I d...

Today I sat with a family who's matriarch died in hospice care. As the family was gathered, I asked some questions about the matriarch's and the family's wishes about the memorial service. As I sat and attempted to work with this family I started to come up with a list of helpful things I think folks should consider before they get to this stage. I offer these as suggestions and not requirements. But having been a hospital chaplain and now a congregational pastor I'd recommend folks to look at these things. Grief touches people in different ways. It can bring out and the best and the worst - and I've literally seen fist fights break out. Although no amount of preparation takes away grief, it can help folks in the grieving process and make grief lessen. 1) Advance Directives/Living Wills/Medical Decisions. I have one, have for several years. These are legal documents you can have made that allow you to make decisions about how you wanted to be treated by medical pr...

Tonight is one of those nights were I find I'm feeling bipolar. I'm attempting to write out plans for my job - a visioning process for a congregation to try to piece together where it sees its future. While my head and heart want to be 100% focused on this, I'm distracted by the thoughts about the vision of my life. While I was into Mary Kay (full disclosure - love the products, still technically a consultant but ugh) they were big on making goal posters - really vision posters. Each year, at least, we were asked to make these posters for what we wanted to achieve and to focus us on the year to come. It could be prizes to earn, vacations, homes, cars, outfits, etc. While there is nothing wrong with vision and goal posters as I reflect on how I feel about the goal/vision poster in my brain it's a mixture of things. There's part of me that feels inadequate because I'm still single, not the mom I hoped to be and not living and being as independent as I wanted to...

Today is the 1 year anniversary to me publishing my blog post “So I Don’t Fit – Literally.” It has been my most read and commented upon blog post. So I thought that it was time to revisit the topic and see if I had learned anything and/or if society had learned. I do not see society as having changed much. I am proud of my colleagues, who have published their own blogs and have taken on the issues of body image and even wrote a letter as a parent that went viral and even was on CNN. The conversation continues in America today about what beauty is and the standards we hold each other too. However, these prophetic voices are not enough to be a strong counter voice to a multi billion-dollar industry. I still am tempted to buy the very magazines that tell me I’m not pretty or fashionable because they have the money to be everywhere. What I do see as a step in the right direction is the willingness of more people to have this conversation about what is beautiful. Physically, since last ye...

I have been asked, several times and in several different contexts, why I am the way that I am. As much as I wish that the answer of "I am a combination of DNA, social norms and mores and life experiences and life lessons" was enough. And well that is the short answer, it is rarely enough to fully answer that question. But what I find that's just as important as the question is the reason that the question is asked. Is it because I do not fit stereotypes or preconceived notions of who another thinks I should be? Does this person really want to get to know me on a deeper level? Is it an interview question? I believe that there are multiple reasons for why I've been asked this question, some with good intent and others not so much. So why does this question matter? I think part of it is about trying to understand the unexplainable. But I have to wonder why the question needs to be asked. Why not let someone be who they are? Why not honor the person as they are, wher...

Having done my fair share of working in retail. With my current job it's not uncommon to make several trips (max I've hit is 5) in the same day to the store to take people shopping. So I'm generally not a fan of going back to the store after work. I ventured out on Saturday to go grocery shopping with my mom after work. While she shopped I walked around, getting a few things I needed for events upcoming, looking at the randomness that is holiday stuff. And then I started to listening to others were saying around me. Some were talking to children, others family and friends and then there was the "take a guess" crowd who were glued to their cell phones.The over arching theme of all of the conversations was this: I have to do this. I have to make this. We need this. We have to be here. We have to see all of these different places. What I found myself wanting to scream was "it all doesn't matter!" "It all doesn't matter." The business, th...

So May 2013 has been interesting and it's only May 17. Minnesota has legalized same sex unions. Can I saw awesome!?!?! I believe that it is great that people are being afforded the same rights and legal status that others are afforded. So yes I will travel to Minnesota for weddings/unions. Abercrombie & Fitch CEO made a statement that they don't want "fat people" as their employees or customers and intentionally only hire "pretty people" and don't sell clothes above a medium in size. First this is just now news to people? All you have to do is look into their stores to see that big people are not welcome. Their employees have been historically rude to anyone who doesn't belong. Second they have just as much of a right to make clothes that only fit a certain part of the population. It's no different then Catherines or Lane Bryant who make clothes for those larger ladies of the world. Those stores will never carry a small. Should we be boyc...

If you were an intern when I was a resident chaplain then you know my simple prayer. It's Really!?!?! I believe that sums up most prayers that come from the heart and it suits many times of crisis and uncertainty. I find that I'm praying that almost constantly daily. From the really you just did/said that with my job to really with what's going on in the world. It's a fitting prayer for many times and places. It's an honest prayer because I know that I don't understand everything that's going on in this world or my life. It can be uttered when one crys, screamed hen angry, laughingly spoken or said in times of thanks and awe that you made it. I get that there's a thought that you should be fairly formal in your prayers. Many people have sold many books trying to teach the art of prayer. While I firmly believe that those books and forms are great for times of formal corporate prayer - when I pray personally I don't really care if I hit a certain ...

With the bombings at the Boston Marathon today there's still a sense of shock that lingers. That really happened today to a bunch of people running and those watching? It did. We don't know why? No - we don't. It's at times like these when people ask the tough questions of why? Why us? Why did it happen? Why did God/G-d/Allah/Higher Being let this happen? As a pastor I get looked to for answers in times like these and my answer is "I don't know." It's simple and honest. I have no idea how someone or a group of people would think it's okay for whatever reason to kill and hurt so many people. I have no idea what brings about so much hate and anger. Now to the harder why question as a pastor - why did God/G-d/Allah/Higher Being let this happen? I don't believe that God takes any delight in times like these. I don't believe that God wants any part of creation to do these things. I believe in a God that s so big that yes God could stop...