For new readers and those who don't know me, I'm fat. Medically labeled "morbidly obese." I have always been fat since I can remember. It's a multifaceted part of my reality: it's part my choice, part genetics. I am well aware that I need to work on this. I'm reminded every time I go to the doctor: need a flu shot - you're fat. Have an ear infection - you're fat. Cat bite - discharge instructions start with you're morbidly obese (I'm not kidding). You lost weight and still think something's off - loose more weight.
I have been working on addressing my weight and have managed to loose and keep off just under 80 pounds. Do I still have a lot more weight to loose? Yup. I didn't become this size overnight and taking this off won't happen overnight either.
A few weeks ago, a friend stopped by to visit me on their journey to vacation. As they were preparing to leave, I get stopped and asked to sit. I was told that they're concerned about my weight and the toll it's having on my body and that as a friend they just have to say something.
I just sat there. This wasn't brought up in the flow of conversation. Was there any acknowledgement that I had lost any weight - no. Was there a willingness to offer any more support then to tell me again that I'm fat - no. Just a "conversation" to leave me with - as if I don't own a mirror and know this much about myself. While I'm pretty certain this person felt that they were showing concern and care for me, I really just wanted to kick this person out of my house as fast as possible. And honestly that was the nicest response I could come up with because newsflash - fat people are reminded that're fat constantly. We don't need you adding one more reminder to our daily living.
I've talked about my weight before. And as I looked back on this writings one thing glares at me - things really aren't changing in how we look at people who are fat/obese. Despite medical professionals and journals stating that BMI (body mass index) is flawed and may not actually be the bench marker we have made it out to be, that more times then not it is easier and cheaper to get and pay for fast, unhealthy foods then fresh, healthier items in many places in America, and so many other things - it is still somehow socially acceptable to fat shame/blame/name call/comment on/etc. those who are overweight.
Too often I have been identified as the "fat pastor" or the "fat friend." There is no other way to identify me? Too often I get to listen to good, Christianly people judge me and the things I do or don't eat. There is a reason I have a love/hate relationship with potlucks. If I do fill my plate, I'm being a pig, eating too much, not leaving some for the rest of us, and other things. If I'm more selective and don't have a full plate then I'm being rude for not trying so and so's dish or I must not be feeling well, or she's just too picky. So what am I supposed to do?
I get that people do truly care about me and my well being. But if you want to be my friend, please hold off on the "fat conversation." If it comes up in natural conversation, go for it. That's a logical progression of things. But if you expect me to sit and listen because you've had a thought - don't be surprised if I tell you I'm not interested. Because I'm not. Either you can deal with me as I am or you can move along. If you want to share your comment about what is or is not on my plate at the potluck - don't. Not everything you think needs to be said out loud should be.
With that said, thank you for those who support me and love me as I am. May we all learn to care for ourselves as best we can. May we treat others as we'd want to be treated and learn when to keep our thoughts to ourselves. Amen.
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