I have been asked, several times and in several different contexts, why I am the way that I am. As much as I wish that the answer of "I am a combination of DNA, social norms and mores and life experiences and life lessons" was enough. And well that is the short answer, it is rarely enough to fully answer that question.
But what I find that's just as important as the question is the reason that the question is asked. Is it because I do not fit stereotypes or preconceived notions of who another thinks I should be? Does this person really want to get to know me on a deeper level? Is it an interview question?
I believe that there are multiple reasons for why I've been asked this question, some with good intent and others not so much. So why does this question matter? I think part of it is about trying to understand the unexplainable. But I have to wonder why the question needs to be asked. Why not let someone be who they are? Why not honor the person as they are, where they are? There are times when yes one might find that they need to help shape a person - this is part of childhood - of guiding a person. But there's a need to an understanding in "teaching" or modeling for another that they are in fact who they are meant to be. A person can truly by themselves when they are allowed to express that naturally and they can find some place to be the way that they are.
As a minister I have the honor of performing rites and ceremonies for people at a variety of stages of life: baptisms, blessings, marriages, funerals, etc. I usually enjoy planning and leading these events. But lately I've had a rash of folks shocked that as a minister, I would have a fee to do some of these services. So lets talk about why I have fees. To start with, if you are a member of my congregation you do get my services as a part of my contract with the congregation as long as they are spelled out in the contract. Generally if you're a member of the congregation I serve, it is expected that I will preform baptisms, blessings, funerals, weddings, etc for you because I want to remind you of God's continuous blessing in your life and especially at important moments in your life. However some folks are shocked that there would be an honorarium suggested for the minister. The reality is that these blessings, weddings, funerals, etc. are extra work in our wee...
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