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Vision

Tonight is one of those nights were I find I'm feeling bipolar. I'm attempting to write out plans for my job - a visioning process for a congregation to try to piece together where it sees its future. While my head and heart want to be 100% focused on this, I'm distracted by the thoughts about the vision of my life. While I was into Mary Kay (full disclosure - love the products, still technically a consultant but ugh) they were big on making goal posters - really vision posters. Each year, at least, we were asked to make these posters for what we wanted to achieve and to focus us on the year to come. It could be prizes to earn, vacations, homes, cars, outfits, etc. While there is nothing wrong with vision and goal posters as I reflect on how I feel about the goal/vision poster in my brain it's a mixture of things. There's part of me that feels inadequate because I'm still single, not the mom I hoped to be and not living and being as independent as I wanted to be by this time in my life. This is by no mean to say that there's anything wrong with being or not being any of these things. What I think is wrong is this notion that I feel compelled to be anything than what I am in this moment and time. I wish I could type that I feel that I'm 100% okay with who I am at this time and place. I'd like to say that I was even 50% okay with who I am half the time. This is very fluid for me, and I would venture to say for more people than they'd care to admit. I think this, admitting that things for fluid concepts, is the most important part of life. While one can obtain those goal/vision posters, I think more focus and attention needs to be on the journey. Not every goal/vision needs to be met because maybe it's not authentic. So as I prepare to go back to working on the visioning process I hope that I can foster an environment where the journey is the focus and not a goal or specific vision.
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