As a pastor, I get asked a lot of questions about a lot of things. Often times, folks ask me questions that I can't answer. It's not that I don't want to or that I don't have my personal opinions. It's that there are just some things that I can't give an answer too. It's those universal questions - why me, why did this happen, why now, why? I wish I could provide answers for folks because usually by the time someone comes to me asking these questions they're in a place of deep searching - a yearning for answers. Often times these questions are triggered by a major life event: divorce or break up of a significant relationship, death, major illness, violence, just to name a few. Please know that I ask these questions right along with you too. While I believe that God is in these situations, that doesn't mean I'm not hurt, upset, bothered, angered by these things. The latest funeral I performed was for a sweet member of my church. While they had health concerns and were in the later years of life, when they had a major health crisis and died within 36 hours it was shocking even to me. It was a dramatic event and I was left upset and hurt by the loss. I'm not a fan of publicly crying but it was such a shock to my system that I had a hard time keeping myself together during the funeral. I had doubts about the fairness of this person's death. I had doubts about their death happening the way it did.
Doubting is considered to be a less than desirable trait. Some see it as a sign of weakness or as a lack of conviction. I would like to offer that I see doubting on the same level of asking questions. We ask questions because we want to better understand a situation. It's not that we don't believe in the situation or that we're avoiding. Sometimes we want clarity. Sometimes we want to try to learn something. I would like to think that this is a more holistic way to respond instead of just reacting to things. I also hold the belief that anyone who is a leader of a faith community and says that they don't have doubts about big questions is not being truthful. There are images and roles we think we need to fill as clergy. However, clergy are no different than laity, with the exception of seminary and/or additional training. We all have doubts in our lives - we need not feel bad about having them, wrestling with them or trying to ask questions because we doubt/question something.
Let us all try to cut ourselves some slack for having doubts and I pray that we all find the courage to keep exploring our doubts.
Doubting is considered to be a less than desirable trait. Some see it as a sign of weakness or as a lack of conviction. I would like to offer that I see doubting on the same level of asking questions. We ask questions because we want to better understand a situation. It's not that we don't believe in the situation or that we're avoiding. Sometimes we want clarity. Sometimes we want to try to learn something. I would like to think that this is a more holistic way to respond instead of just reacting to things. I also hold the belief that anyone who is a leader of a faith community and says that they don't have doubts about big questions is not being truthful. There are images and roles we think we need to fill as clergy. However, clergy are no different than laity, with the exception of seminary and/or additional training. We all have doubts in our lives - we need not feel bad about having them, wrestling with them or trying to ask questions because we doubt/question something.
Let us all try to cut ourselves some slack for having doubts and I pray that we all find the courage to keep exploring our doubts.
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