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What Do I Blame? What's the Cause?

The energy is off today. I don't know if it's because the weather is changing again and therefore I'm more aware of what my body is trying to tell me - mainly that this willing myself to do everything regardless of energy or feeling well is not going to cut it much longer. Maybe its because I finally took time over the weekend to do things that I enjoyed and experienced some new things and I'm not done integrating them into my whole being. Then again I'm still integrating things from my weekend trip 3 weeks ago. In all honesty it's probably all of it and more that I'm choosing not to admit too. I want to be or do or something other then what I am doing, being now. I'm not sure what it is. For as OCD and organized as I am, I'd like to think that I could look at the big picture and figure out how to break it down to get things done and to address each thing. But this stuff of life, of being is greater then my OCD and I'm not sure what to do. So I sit and I just be, letting the things hit me when they do. I hope I'll be ready for it when I it comes but I know it'll come when it needs to. Until then I guess I'm going to go amp myself up on some coffee so I can go out and grin and bare it.

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