Contamination

So I found that while I was away I felt this sense that I couldn't touch little children because my energy or self was so contaminated that I would put my "stuff" on to them. I didn't want that for them - so new, so perfect little people. I wanted them to continue living on in their own essence and maintain their "innocence" for as long as possible. I was afraid of going into a place because I didn't want to contaminate the people there. I just felt toxic, like I needed to be in isolation because I could spread what was in me, going through me. My energy was overflowing with my stuff, sensing and feeling other people's energy and it was overwhelming to me. So I've had to work at understanding what this energy was, what I was willing to take in and take on and what I could do to change things about myself. I had to look within myself and sort out what I was seeing and dealing with. I had to decide what energy needed to be dealt with first and foremost and go with it. I also had to admit to a trusted person that I was struggling and overwhelmed and that I needed help. It's a sign of growth on my part even though some could say it was a sign of weakness. It was me being the most honest with myself that I've been in a long time. And because of that I don't feel so contaminated any more and feel lighter.