This weekend I returned to "my old Kentucky home" to officiate a friend's wedding. I've managed to see family and meet my two new 2nd cousins. I've seen other friends from various aspects of my life. I've been to the restaurants that scream Kentucky cooking like no others. I've stopped by my favoritee "head shop," and several other places that I'd considered my "happy places." But as I drove around Lexington, thinking I'd take pictures of the places I'd been I couldn't take the pictures. Seeing places I've lived, worked and studied at it hit me. I used to call Lexington home and would run to it. Lexington is no longer home. It is a place where I have friends and family. It is a place I can visit for a while but it's not home. It was home when I needed it to be home but I've changed and outgrown Lexington. The energy is gone from this city that once drew me here. It now repels me. It tells me that staying here would be a retreat to a person that does not honor who I truly am or want to be. So tomorrow I will pack up my car and leave, not sure if or when I'll return. I will be heading towards being the person I'm meant to be. So let it be I pray.
For new readers and those who don't know me, I'm fat. Medically labeled "morbidly obese." I have always been fat since I can remember. It's a multifaceted part of my reality: it's part my choice, part genetics. I am well aware that I need to work on this. I'm reminded every time I go to the doctor: need a flu shot - you're fat. Have an ear infection - you're fat. Cat bite - discharge instructions start with you're morbidly obese (I'm not kidding). You lost weight and still think something's off - loose more weight. I have been working on addressing my weight and have managed to loose and keep off just under 80 pounds. Do I still have a lot more weight to loose? Yup. I didn't become this size overnight and taking this off won't happen overnight either. A few weeks ago, a friend stopped by to visit me on their journey to vacation. As they were preparing to leave, I get stopped and asked to sit. I was told that they're concerne...
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