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A Dating Minister / A Minister who Dates

Dating and being a minister. Have to say that those two words don’t seem to be blending very well. Telling someone what you do is not easy. You don’t want to lie but saying the actual words “I’m a minister” usually gets me 1 of 3 responses. 1 – oh you’re a minister, followed by the sounds of pitter patter as the person runs away. This response often comes from people who don’t believe that females have any roll in the church. Sometimes these people try to save me from my sins too. 2 – oh you’re a minister, followed by the person wanting confession or pastoral advice followed by the words I can’t date a pastor and some reason. While I’m all about helping others when I can, that’s not the reason why I’m dating. In all honesty I help people all day long (or I’d like to think that I do) and I don’t want that in a date. Us ministers would like to have a nice dinner and movie date too. 3 – the people who think that they can corrupt a minister. It starts out with trying to figure out if a female minister means being a nun with vows of chastity. I’m honest and tell people that I can have a life and this then sends a guy into a frenzies to see what a clergy will or won’t do. Just not cute on any level, regardless of my clerical standing or not.


So what do you do as clergy and wanting to date? Some people, lots of church ladies in particular, love to play match up with the other singles or someone’s grandson. While I appreciate the concern and what I hope is the desire for members to want me to be happy. However it is consider not the best move and in some stats it’s illegal to date parishioners. Just too many conflicts of interest. Some say go to the bars – which would work if I had a normal life but I work on Sundays. I have weddings on weekends and sometimes funerals. Going to a bar on the weekend is not a good idea. Then that also brings up the whole issue of clergy drinking in public – that’s a whole other blog. The Internet – well hate to say it but when you’re honest you get “matched” with people who aren’t in the same theological worldview as you are and I redirect you back to the first paragraph for responses.
So where does this leave me and others in similar places? All I have to offer is hope. Hope that at some point in time and place you’ll find that person that you connect with and will love. Hope that you are not the only person feeling frustrated by what seems to be a never ending drama called your love life. And the hope that comes from knowing that others have managed to find love while being clergy and that you can too. Society and the Church are both changing to make it easier but it still takes work. So best wishes and if someone else figures this out let me know.
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