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Feelings about an Inventory List

I work in a field that requires a person to wear many hats at once. I'm a parent, protector, educator, counselor, life guru, plumber, cook, driver, activities director, etc, etc. I have to know the people I serve and I have to know them well. And as I received word that one of these people was being immediately discharged from the company I had a two-fold reaction.

At first I was happy, relieved, thrilled that this person was gone. The constant neediness 24/7. The constant "hey hey me me me me," the behaviors - oh the behaviors, gone. No more. The house would be quieter, I might be able to actually use the bathroom without someone talking at me through the locked, closed door. It was an end to the pain in my butt that this person had been. I even did a bit of a happy dance.

Then came on the second set of emotions: the defeat, failure that every thing we had tried as a team, the counseling -  with real counselors and us, all of the time and energy. The sticking to the plan because in the end they learned the right now - it didn't work. It didn't seem to matter. This person is gone - reduced down to items in boxes and inventory lists. Cupboard bear, items in bags in the refrigerator and freezer, things returned. The what if's setting in. Could we have done more? Should we have done more? What was missed? What needed refining or tried?

It's bittersweet. That joy feels tainted now. I know that the events that have recent occurred are because of this person's choices. It was preventable if they had chosen to do things differently. There's frustration that they didn't make better decisions. It's frustrating that things had to get to this level before something changed because laws and regulations force things to get this bad first. The logical part of me knows that nothing else could have been done. My heart knows it but struggles to accept it. It is a shame that 1 person is reduced to inventory sheets to be signed off on.

This feeling too will pass. This person will be forgotten over time. Replaced by the next individual and the next group of situations and occurrences. The next person with goals and steps and frustrations.  I will become invested in them. I will learn to know them. Until either they or I get reduced to the next inventory list.
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