I feel like a broken record when in church. I feel like my sermons, liturgy and prayers are basically the same thing over and over. I've tried journaling about it. I've tried writing out my sermon, I've tried using notes/outline. I've watched new movies and shows, went and met and talked with new people. I've prayed/meditated on this and I still feel like I'm repeating myself.
So I'm going over past bulletins and prayers trying to see if I'm really repeating myself as much as I like I am. Themes that I've seen: love, unity, growth, inclusion, forgiveness, generosity, mission, welcome/welcoming, struggle. I've only been with this current congregation for about 3 full months now. No one has said anything to me and when asked no one says I'm repeating (makes me wonder who really is listening). I do get the standard "nice sermon pastor" so I don't think anyone is unhappy and I would have heard the rumor mill by now if anyone was (small town makes it easy to catch the rumors).
So why is the Spirit telling me I'm being a broken record, repeating myself. Is it because I myself am broken? Is it because I need to live into these words that I speak? Is it that there's something else the Spirit wants me to hear/speak and this other stuff is blocking the way? Are these just things that this community needs to hear over and over so it can be fully absorbed into them and then breathed and lived out? I don't have the answers to this. It could be one of these questions, it could be all of them. I pray that I learn to lean into this time of questioning/searching/listening/praying/being and learn to know and trust that God is and will be working in and through this.
Happy New Year's Eve! 2024 is almost gone as I type this. And it's been ... a year. To whomever may be reading this know this: I'm glad you made it through 2024. You're you and you're here. That's enough. Whether you met your goal/goals or not, you survived. You're still breathing - even if it's hard to do sometimes. I'm proud of you. Keep going. Even if all you can manage is the next minute. Keep going. Here is my updates and reflection on 2024. The biggest thing for me has been my move and new ministry in Wisconsin. I said goodbye to two lovely rural Nebraska churches in February and started my new ministry in Wisconsin March 1. It was funny that I was actually attending a UCCB meeting in Ohio when I officially met my new conference minister in person on March 1. God has a sense of humor. This past 9 months has been learning about the systems of the church and the community and trying to find my place. I haven't been perfect in this, but I...
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