October is the month that celebrates many things: Ministerial Appreciation, breast cancer awareness, bullying prevention, domestic violence awareness month and many many more that I can't even remember at this point (ranking means nothing - it's just how things popped in my head). That doesn't count all of the days that are added to it - World Communion Sunday, Feast Day of St. Francis of Assisi, National Coming Out Day, etc, etc. It's overwhelming to me lately. I'm not sure why but this month, my life in particular, seems to be more busy. I'm living by calendars and schedules like never before. Plotting and planning seems to be constantly going on. What I've decided that it's all become busy work - ways to both intentionally and unintentionally avoid being aware to myself and others. But it's myself that I'm going to focus on. I've been avoiding dealing with my higher Self - the divine self who wants to come in and love me. It's easy to be distracted and let all of the other smaller pieces of my regular self take charge and to dominate how I order my life and day. In essence, I'm not taking time to find ways to live a more balanced life. I write this as I have the laundry going and I'm also running scans on my laptop and syncing my I-Pod. Multi-tasking - sure, paying attention - no. I think I'm going to spend the rest of October in Self-Awareness month. Living more intentionally for my higher Self. That doesn't mean that I won't participate in events or support causes I love. It just means I'm approaching it in a different way.
Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant. Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to p...
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