October is the month that celebrates many things: Ministerial Appreciation, breast cancer awareness, bullying prevention, domestic violence awareness month and many many more that I can't even remember at this point (ranking means nothing - it's just how things popped in my head). That doesn't count all of the days that are added to it - World Communion Sunday, Feast Day of St. Francis of Assisi, National Coming Out Day, etc, etc. It's overwhelming to me lately. I'm not sure why but this month, my life in particular, seems to be more busy. I'm living by calendars and schedules like never before. Plotting and planning seems to be constantly going on. What I've decided that it's all become busy work - ways to both intentionally and unintentionally avoid being aware to myself and others. But it's myself that I'm going to focus on. I've been avoiding dealing with my higher Self - the divine self who wants to come in and love me. It's easy to be distracted and let all of the other smaller pieces of my regular self take charge and to dominate how I order my life and day. In essence, I'm not taking time to find ways to live a more balanced life. I write this as I have the laundry going and I'm also running scans on my laptop and syncing my I-Pod. Multi-tasking - sure, paying attention - no. I think I'm going to spend the rest of October in Self-Awareness month. Living more intentionally for my higher Self. That doesn't mean that I won't participate in events or support causes I love. It just means I'm approaching it in a different way.
For new readers and those who don't know me, I'm fat. Medically labeled "morbidly obese." I have always been fat since I can remember. It's a multifaceted part of my reality: it's part my choice, part genetics. I am well aware that I need to work on this. I'm reminded every time I go to the doctor: need a flu shot - you're fat. Have an ear infection - you're fat. Cat bite - discharge instructions start with you're morbidly obese (I'm not kidding). You lost weight and still think something's off - loose more weight. I have been working on addressing my weight and have managed to loose and keep off just under 80 pounds. Do I still have a lot more weight to loose? Yup. I didn't become this size overnight and taking this off won't happen overnight either. A few weeks ago, a friend stopped by to visit me on their journey to vacation. As they were preparing to leave, I get stopped and asked to sit. I was told that they're concerne...
Comments
Post a Comment