As I sit/lay here under a young tree, the branches catch my attention. What to some may look like the branches are dying - the bark is covered in fungus/mold, pealing away, not many leaves or branches on it - is in fact alive. New, bright green leaves reaching out, starting over for that branch and that tree shoot out at the end. Against the blue sky above it this tree and branch makes me think about new life coming out of the old. A new part of the tree rising up and enjoying the warmth of the sun and the breeze of the day. Soaking in the greatness of just being a new creation. I want to be that tree branch. I want to just be but I don't know how. How do I be? How do I let the old die as needed and learn to let the new grow? I'm jealous of this tree, it seems to have this all figured out - this secret that I can't understand. I want this tree to teach me... no to just tell me and maybe even do for me. I'm jealous that I can't just change my nature to be tree instead of human. Oh tree how I wish it was so simple to be you. But then again maybe its not so simple to be you. Maybe this sun and wind hurt you. Maybe the parts that are dying hurt you or make it hard for you to become new. I guess you and I have more in common then I thought. Maybe your jealous of me and my freedom to move from my spot. Oh tree you show me many things but what do you see in me? What do you learn from me? Maybe we're not so different in our stuff. Maybe we're the same in more ways then I thought.
For new readers and those who don't know me, I'm fat. Medically labeled "morbidly obese." I have always been fat since I can remember. It's a multifaceted part of my reality: it's part my choice, part genetics. I am well aware that I need to work on this. I'm reminded every time I go to the doctor: need a flu shot - you're fat. Have an ear infection - you're fat. Cat bite - discharge instructions start with you're morbidly obese (I'm not kidding). You lost weight and still think something's off - loose more weight. I have been working on addressing my weight and have managed to loose and keep off just under 80 pounds. Do I still have a lot more weight to loose? Yup. I didn't become this size overnight and taking this off won't happen overnight either. A few weeks ago, a friend stopped by to visit me on their journey to vacation. As they were preparing to leave, I get stopped and asked to sit. I was told that they're concerne...
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