Have you ever just reached a point where all you can do is just lie on the ground because you just feel that all of your being is just trying to fight gravity? Then once you let yourself lay down and you feel like gravity is going to try to pull you through the floor - it's just that strong? I hit that point today. Couldn't even rest my hands on my stomach, they just felt like that were being pulled to the floor. It's not a very comforting feeling. It's almost out of body sort of thing. After my inital fights with myself to just try to get up and fight whatever was going on I just let myself lay there and be. I just simply let the universe and gravity do its thing and I just had to let it be. It's funny how sometimes the most basic principles in the world that we know just smack you up side the head and force you to be with yourself. To stop denying and fighting and make you lay there and observe and feel. Gravity was bringing me back down to where I needed to be instead of trying to pretend that I was above my stuff, my being. Maybe what's going on in this world isn't so important as listening to myself, to dealing with my stuff and to just block out the "other." Eventually gravity lessened on me and I was able to get up. And that's the key to this - I did eventually get up. I didn't stay there forever. I could feel and embrace it and then I could get back up. Gravity - maybe it's not so simple as I thought.
Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant. Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to p...
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