Have you ever just reached a point where all you can do is just lie on the ground because you just feel that all of your being is just trying to fight gravity? Then once you let yourself lay down and you feel like gravity is going to try to pull you through the floor - it's just that strong? I hit that point today. Couldn't even rest my hands on my stomach, they just felt like that were being pulled to the floor. It's not a very comforting feeling. It's almost out of body sort of thing. After my inital fights with myself to just try to get up and fight whatever was going on I just let myself lay there and be. I just simply let the universe and gravity do its thing and I just had to let it be. It's funny how sometimes the most basic principles in the world that we know just smack you up side the head and force you to be with yourself. To stop denying and fighting and make you lay there and observe and feel. Gravity was bringing me back down to where I needed to be instead of trying to pretend that I was above my stuff, my being. Maybe what's going on in this world isn't so important as listening to myself, to dealing with my stuff and to just block out the "other." Eventually gravity lessened on me and I was able to get up. And that's the key to this - I did eventually get up. I didn't stay there forever. I could feel and embrace it and then I could get back up. Gravity - maybe it's not so simple as I thought.
For new readers and those who don't know me, I'm fat. Medically labeled "morbidly obese." I have always been fat since I can remember. It's a multifaceted part of my reality: it's part my choice, part genetics. I am well aware that I need to work on this. I'm reminded every time I go to the doctor: need a flu shot - you're fat. Have an ear infection - you're fat. Cat bite - discharge instructions start with you're morbidly obese (I'm not kidding). You lost weight and still think something's off - loose more weight. I have been working on addressing my weight and have managed to loose and keep off just under 80 pounds. Do I still have a lot more weight to loose? Yup. I didn't become this size overnight and taking this off won't happen overnight either. A few weeks ago, a friend stopped by to visit me on their journey to vacation. As they were preparing to leave, I get stopped and asked to sit. I was told that they're concerne...
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