February 2025 feels like it's been the longest year ever. The state of the US government is just scary and getting worse and worse by the hour. As a cis-gender, white, middle age, female I know I have more agency and power then many. I can't know what my siblings of God are feeling and dealing with during this time when their existence is literally being erased by the US government and they're being told they're flawed and have no rights to even exist. Although there are grassroot efforts to fight the orange one's executive orders, I fear we are following the Hitler playbook and there are not enough people on the right who will stand up against our president and his regime.
It has been hard to write an update on daily or even semi regular "days in the life of a pastor." Finding words that speak to as many as possible because I work in a purple congregation takes time and energy that I am running low on.
And then on a more personal professional note: being the best possible pastor I can to my congregation has been hard. When individuals form groups and attack, it becomes hard to even want to come to the church. Is this group the majority? No. Have they done this before to other ministers? Yes. So am I surprised at the levels this group is going to? No. But when several of them have stated, verbally and in writing, that they want me terminated immediately, its hard not to take things on a personal level.
These people are coming for my livelihood and where I live. They are coming after my reputation. I know that I'm the professional in the room but when I am the only one who is held accountable to the policies and procedures and not this group of people who have intentionally and knowingly gone around policies and procedures - it's personal.
I'm fortunate that I have good friends, in and out of ministry, that I can call and message who talk me off ledges and let me vent. I'm blessed that I have a spiritual director and therapist who both had openings or at least made space for me to move appointments around so I could check myself with them and to work on the hurt and trust issues I have. I'm working on how do I ministry authentically and whole as myself with all of these people, when clearly everything that I say and do can and will be used against me. They will even go so far as to gaslight me and try to tell me that "no one is wanting me gone." I have the letter of complaint - it's in writing!
I'm thrilled that I have found a group of blue ladies in my area who support each other and local agencies and causes that will try to fill in the gaps created by all of these awful and immoral executive orders from the government. So I know that I'm fortunate and blessed more than others and more than I was in previous situations. I know that I need to go on vacation and to turn off my phone and not to look at my work email. Time and money are real constraints that I'm working on to address these things.
Will things change and get better? Professional I have hope. US political world - Lord help us I sure hope so but we, the people, have a lot of work to do to make sure that happens.
But I have to admit - I'm running low on hope. I'm running low on energy. So if you see me napping, please let me nap. And if you see my coffee cup is empty, please offer to fill it up. We all need those small gestures of kindness these days.
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