An Honest Day in the Life of a Pastor 1/2/25

Today started off well. It's the day after New Years so the office has been closed for two days. My secretary is taking the last of their vacation for 2024. Things are calm. There's not much happening in the life of the church. I spent the morning proof reading the bulletin and getting it ready so I can print it tomorrow. 

The afternoon rolls around and my meeting for the afternoon goes well. But then a member decides to speak about a topic that does not belong in or near the committee that just wrapped. The member's comments spiral into complaints about me, complete with making personal digs at me, twice that I can clearly recall. 

I'm not surprised by this behavior because it's a continuation of bad behavior that's been going on for years. I've called this member and their spouse to task for their actions and words. I get that wounded people wound other people but that is also not an excuse to refuse to have a meeting to discuss how to make amends and move forward and instead choose to storm out and end with a "f this." 

What people don't realize is that I know more then I say about the whole situation. I know that emails and phone calls have been made to members, non members and my higher ups to complain and try to get me to apologize and to spread mis and dis-information about the whole thing. This is why I document everything and had a witness present for an attempted in person meeting. Can't not document things these days. 

My heart hurts. This BS has been going on for 6 weeks and it needs to be done. But I feel like I'm in the longest temper tantrum of my life. If I give in now, they win. And I know it's not supposed to be about winners and losers but that's the best I have. Apologies need to be made while keeping those who have been hurt by this couple safe. I should be included in this "keeping safe" but I'm not sure I can be.

I'm attacked and lied to and about in the meeting. I can’t cry because I’ll be labeled as "too emotional" or "weak." Or it could be seen as emotional manipulation when I’m supposed to be the pastor in the situation. And I don't really like crying in public because I don't think it's a good luck on me and I just don't like those big shows of emotion from me. I'm frustrated because this isn't the time or the place which I state but if I leave the meeting will happen anyway. So I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. I feel cornered. I feel the manipulation. But yet no one else says a word about it. So I might as well get this over because where else is this person going to appear to "say something."

I don’t want to have to keep fighting but damn it when are people going to take some accountability for their words and actions? Yes my church says all are welcome here but not all behaviors are. You can't upset other members, to the point of making them cry, and expect for nothing to be said. For for excuses to be accepted. I understand people have mental health issues and other concerns but I also know that people, especially this family, are high functioning and they have no problem demanding apologies from others. So these folks can understand what is not appropriate and how to apologize. But alas they've gotten away with bad behavior for years.

But then the tide turns and I'm expected to apologize. Have I been perfect in all of this? Nope - sure haven't. But I'm not going to apologize for holding adults accountable for actions and words they can control. You did x, y, and z and there are consequences to those actions and words - both good and bad. And I do not owe anyone the names of victims - the real victims in this situation. They deserve to be protected just as much as you think you're the victim. 

I'm tired of adult temper tantrums. I'm tired of being cornered. I'm tired. All I want to see is a little bit of accountability and understanding. Yet I am always held to a higher standard. And I know that if I did even a fifth of the things this couple has done I'd be fired in a heartbeat. 

So I come home a stress clean my house and do laundry so I can feel like I accomplished something. I type these words to try to get this out of my system. Will I go back to work tomorrow? Yup. But I'm hurt, wounded. I'm frustrated and mad. And I feel like everything I was trying to teach people - life lessons - was all for naught and nothing will change and more people will be hurt. And now I have to let people know of my plan for how I will be protecting myself moving forward. It's sad that I have to come up with a plan so I will not be alone or have any type of communication with this couple alone. Church shouldn't be this hard. But this is my day.

Thanks be that tomorrow I hope will be better.