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I'm A Pastor, I Doubt: That People Hear The Words I Say

Every week, I join pastors around the world, in thinking about the words that will come out of my mouth Sunday morning from the pulpit. I take preaching seriously because, in theory, I stand in a position of authority as pastor. I'm suppose to have learned about this stuff and have spent the week studying, praying and reflecting on scripture and the events of the world. I'm called to challenge, to teach, to encourage, to even scold at times.

Here's the thing; when I get up to preach in most of the settings I've been in, I can see what people are doing in the pews. Generally I'm higher up then the people in the pews. I can see the kids who are being kids and drawing pictures on the bulletins or taking a nap because let's face it being 3 is hard work. I can see who has their phone out and is not reading an e-bible because I can see (and occasionally you forget to turn your sound off and/or you forget where you are and you get excited) that you're either using social media or playing a game. Then the adults. We have "the proof reader" - proofing the bulletin because you won't volunteer to do it during the week and think now is the time. There are "the sleepers" (even my own father has been known to snore during my services). There are "the yakkers" - talking away about something other than worship. "The clock watchers" monitoring the clock because "the roast is in the oven." There are the ones who are staring me down because I've done or said something at some point that has enraged them (you used the wrong hymns, why is she talking about racism? I'm not racist. etc.) and they're not hearing anything else and are now trying to burn a hole in me with their gaze. Lets not forget "the readers" - those who read anything other than the bible or hymnal and "the obvious tithers" who are busy making a big deal about writing their offering check. Then if I'm lucky there's maybe a few people who are actually listening and paying attention.

All these folks come up and shake my hand after worship. And how do I know all but a few of you heard what I said? Because you say what I think has become standard response to the pastor: "nice sermon." If I wasn't concerned about paying my bills I would say: "well thank you for the compliment. I couldn't help to notice that you seemed to be burning a hole in me with your eyes after I said the word racism. Could we discuss the sermon?" I have a feeling no one would shake my hand then.

So I have to wonder as a pastor if people really hear the words that I say? I get that it's hard to sit and focus. Society isn't fond of being still and quiet. We all drift and come in and out of presentations. I do it myself and I doodle to help channel some energy so I really don't care if you're doodling on the bulletins or drawing a picture. And this is not to say that every day I deliver a great sermon. There are Sunday mornings when I'm begging for the Spirit and my coffee to hit me at the same time and it doesn't happen. However, when you walk away from worship and have no idea what was said, by the person you've chosen to be the spiritual leader of your community other then to say that they preached a sermon, I'm left scratching my head. Is a sermon no longer what God's people need today? Have pastors been labeled as boring and irrelevant in a world of media every where you go?

When I see no real change in the way the church or individuals "be Christian" I wonder if my words are heard. I don't have the naive notion that some how my words will magically transform a person or community. But I would like to hope that the words that come out of my mouth would at least cause a pause for people to think about their faith journey. I would hope that maybe people might consider taking a step, even if they ultimately choose that it's not for them. Maybe this issue points to a larger issue with being the Church. Maybe this is more about me than I care to admit. Maybe it's a whole lot of mess that needs to be waded through.

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