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So I Don't Fit - Litterally

Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant.

Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing  and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to pay for the seat next to me on the airplane because no normal sized human being fits in an airplane seat anyway fine I will if I choose to fly. I'd probably like to not have to share air with a stranger.

But what I do ask from other people/the world is to simply to be left alone about my size. You see this trio of women last night felt the need to rather loudly and rudely make the comments that they "felt bad for the booth" that I seemed to have "stuffed" myself into and that they were "grossed" by my order (a grilled chicken sandwich on a wheat bun with dressing on the side and steamed mixed vegetables with a beer). I am unclear what I did or how my presence offended these women but I suspect it has way more to do with them then me.

With that said though what in the hell is wrong with society that it is even remotely okay to say those things about a person? Let me help you out - if you think that these type of comments will motivate me to somehow magically lose all of my weight in the next few minutes it will not. If you think you're sharing a concern for my health let me assure you that's not how it came across. It was mean. It was hateful and hate. It was an attempt to break a spirit and was quite frankly what I listened to every day I went to school from the time kids learned that people were different and there were groups and clicks.

Society has become sick in so many ways. Yes I will give people points in their argument that yes by maintaining my size I am doing damage to my body, I'm using more resources then I should and I'm sure I should probably be paying more in health insurance then a fit person should. However, it is sick to think that this behavior and attitudes about a person are acceptable. It is sick to think that this is okay on any level from the school playground, to the dressing rooms at a store, to a table at a restaurant. It is sick to think that others will be influenced and share these women's opinions.

So I don't fit in every booth at a restaurant - I'll just sit at a table in the middle of the floor so everyone can watch me eat my "gross" meal and be content eating by myself. So I don't fit in an airplane seat perfectly - I'll pay for my second seat and get talked about because who do I think I am for spending that much money. I just hope that we, society, do learn to have some compassion, to show some love or to just simply shut up if you can find nothing close to nice to say about another person.

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