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The Okayist Pastor - Weekly Reflection 6/13/25

The things - the things. As I try to think of how I want to start this post I'm stuck on the words "the things..."

Yesterday I had a member come talk to me, who was talking to me on behalf of another member, who had apparently called the vice moderator of the congregation. That's a whole lot of triangulation that I'm not even going to touch on this blog because that's a whole other blog. 

I was told that because I had set out the roses for the confirmands on Sunday (because I had to set out their certificates, stoles, robes, and other gifts from the congregation) and I had filled pitchers with water and put them in the refrigerator while I was waiting on people to drop off things to the church so we had cold water for a funeral reception, I was over stepping and had offended a member. This comes flying at me after I had people write formal letters of complaint to my denominations oversight group because I wrote thank you notes last fall to members who returned a pledge card. This letter included calls for me to be terminated immediately. (I wasn't and folks were told to settle down nicely.)

Water pitchers, roses and thank you notes - I clearly have sinned and must be made to repent for my sins. Yes I should have my housing, livelihood and reputation stripped from me because I dare make sure that worship is set up and members are thanked for their help in supporting the ministry of my setting. Yes I should be made an example of because I did something that was meant to help support my church (because I'm not only the senior pastor I'm also a member of the congregation) and to show hospitality to those who find their way to my faith community. 

Part of me wants to just throw my hands up and say that I'll never do anything extra or that a regular member would do again. I'll just sit and wait for people and do nothing to fill my time, which I will count as my hours for the week. I want to be petty. I want to say if my offer of service is seen as over stepping, let me make sure I never overstep again. I won't clear my table after a meal, I won't refill a water pitcher or coffee carafe again. I will leave all of the messes I find in bathrooms for someone else to deal with. You didn't plan ahead to get a key to let you into the church for your group meeting or whatever else nope I'm not coming over to let you in. Find someone else with a key, I don't want to overstep on someone else's responsibilities. 

But this isn't good. Those who work in religious institution knows that letting the pendulum swing all the way to the other end would create just as many letters and triangulation moments because "the pastor wouldn't ..." Am I an over functioning person - I sure can be and have had to be in previous ministry settings (this is why I own a chainsaw among other things).

So how do I find the balance between over functioning and trying to be a good member and help the ministry of my congregation? There is no good answer. I know I will never please everyone and shouldn't try. But I'm also really tired of my gifts being used against me, especially when I'm not told that it's against the plans of a group (because there's apparently secret knowledge I'm not allowed to know). And I wish that people would get upset about the injustice in the land and do something about it instead of complaining about water pitchers. 
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