The World's Okayest Pastor

Have you ever just reached a point where all you can do is just lie on the ground because you just feel that all of your being is just trying to fight gravity? Then once you let yourself lay down and you feel like gravity is going to try to pull you through the floor - it's just that strong? I hit that point today. Couldn't even rest my hands on my stomach, they just felt like that were being pulled to the floor. It's not a very comforting feeling. It's almost out of body sort of thing. After my inital fights with myself to just try to get up and fight whatever was going on I just let myself lay there and be. I just simply let the universe and gravity do its thing and I just had to let it be. It's funny how sometimes the most basic principles in the world that we know just smack you up side the head and force you to be with yourself. To stop denying and fighting and make you lay there and observe and feel. Gravity was bringing me back down to where I needed to be in...

I've been thinking about this idea of a thing called "common sense." I've been accused of being too full of common sense. But really I'm not sure how that's possible. I think common sense is or should be doing what's right in the situation (i.e. I'm hungry to I get food. I used the last of the toilet paper so I get a new roll out). But the more people I interact with I'm fairly certain that common sense is dying from American culture today. As an example I offer this phone call I got from a co-worker. "The van is on E but the orange light isn't on yet. Do I have enough gas to get to where I'm going or should I put gas in the van? I didn't know since the orange light wasn't on." I know that this person drives to and from work every day in her own personal vehicle and has driven the work van many times. I would like to assume that this person doesn't drive until she is out of gas because that's one hefty tow bill she...

If you know me and/or are observant you'll notice that I have tattoos. I have 4 to be exact and I'll probably get at least 1 more in my life time. The latest 1 I put on my left wrist. The other 3 or on different places on my back. I got them in places that are easily covered and not really out for people to see. I wanted to get them so I did but I was concerned that having a visible tattoo would not be well received by people in the church. All of my tattoos are religious symbols so it's not like I'm showing off something that would be inappropriate. However, I felt that stigma of trying to live up to what other people wanted a pastor to be. But this last tattoo has been interesting. 1) not as many people have even noticed it. 2) Another clergy person decided that it was their job to give me a lecture on the fact that my tattoo was not a Christian symbol. The first reaction has helped me realize that not as many people care as I thought. I think there's a shift in t...

Being me - something that is suppose to be easy but in reality it's not. I carry around the shit of my past. I carry around the hopes, dreams and expectations that I have for myself and others have indoctrinated into me. That's probably why naming a person is such a big deal for so many. You want to name someone to be the person whom they'll become. But are those hopes theirs or someone else's? So with all of that it gets to be hard and confussing as to who" me/I" is. In several lines of thought there is the concept that every person has something inate within themselves. Some call it knowledge, others a spark, others the Holy Spirit. It's unique for each person based on their time, place, social location, etc. But nevertheless it's there within each person and I would say in all created things. But so often we try to shape, mold, even change that inate part of us. We cover it up, we deny it, we try to be what is expected of us. People can choose to e...

So I’m adding to the “I’m a Christian and I cuss” wagon. However, I’ve gotten several reactions from people about that sound about like “OMG and you’re a minister??!!??” Yes I’m a minister. Yes I went to seminary. Yes I have a piece of paper that states I have a masters of divinity. People seem to think that I need to rise above all mortal ills/sins/trappings and be this flawless person.   My gut reaction to this is to tell people to go “fly a kite.” The reality of the situation is that I’m human. I get mad, upset, pissed off, annoyed just like the rest of you. I also get happy, joyful, funny, romantic, quiet, etc. And while I’ve put in my time of saying the right things and trying to look like I have all of my stuff together the honest truth of the situation is that just like you I don’t have all of my stuff together. Let me be clear – I AM NOT PERFECT NOR DO I PRETEND TO BE. Sorry to disappoint those who would like to think that their clergy are perfect little Jesus’/Buddhas/Mo...

As I sit/lay here under a young tree, the branches catch my attention. What to some may look like the branches are dying - the bark is covered in fungus/mold, pealing away, not many leaves or branches on it - is in fact alive. New, bright green leaves reaching out, starting over for that branch and that tree shoot out at the end. Against the blue sky above it this tree and branch makes me think about new life coming out of the old. A new part of the tree rising up and enjoying the warmth of the sun and the breeze of the day. Soaking in the greatness of just being a new creation. I want to be that tree  branch. I want to just be but I don't know how. How do I be? How do I let the old die as needed and learn to let the new grow? I'm jealous of this tree, it seems to have this all figured out - this secret that I can't understand. I want this tree to teach me... no to just tell me and maybe even do for me. I'm jealous that I can't just change my nature to be tree ins...