Skip to main content

"Til now I always got by on my own"

One of the songs that I thought that I tended to live by is Heart's "Alone." You know the power ballad of "til now I always got by on my own." Good song to sing too. But alas...I think I'm starting to embrace it more then I want to admit. I've prided myself on being an independent person. I know enough to get myself in and out of trouble - hence probably how I've master duct tape. But as I spend about the next 3 weeks house and dog sitting I'm starting to realize how alone I am not. I tend to spend a lot of my time being around people. I sit at coffee shops to do my work, get my caffeine addiction needs met and to be around people. I spend a lot of time checking Facebook so I can see what everyone is doing. I used to think that I could be fine without being around people. But less the 48 hours into my 3 weeks sitting at the house with 3 snoozing puppies makes me uncomfortable. TV and studying only take up so much time. Chores...well that's not all the fun. The puppies can only handle so many walks for certain distances. So I'm left with myself...the things that roll through my head. The past messages I've heard all stuck in my brain playing endlessly. It gets to be noisy after awhile of listening to myself. It gets to be exhausting trying to argue with myself that some of the things I hear in my head, these old tapes, are not valid anymore...they're not me. Which leads me to wonder the next logical question of who is Kate? Ugh. It's frustrating...it's tiring. This is probably why after an hour of meditation and quiet time that I'm ready for a nap. It's interesting that although I thought I was alone I'm not. I carry with my so much crap from others that I'm rarely alone. I'm caught up in other people's stuff. Maybe some day I'll figure out what being alone is really all about.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So I Don't Fit - Litterally

Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant. Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing  and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to p...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why the Minister has Fees

  As a minister I have the honor of performing rites and ceremonies for people at a variety of stages of life: baptisms, blessings, marriages, funerals, etc. I usually enjoy planning and leading these events. But lately I've had a rash of folks shocked that as a minister, I would have a fee to do some of these services. So lets talk about why I have fees.   To start with, if you are a member of my congregation you do get my services as a part of my contract with the congregation as long as they are spelled out in the contract. Generally if you're a member of the congregation I serve, it is expected that I will preform baptisms, blessings, funerals, weddings, etc for you because I want to remind you of God's continuous blessing in your life and especially at important moments in your life.   However some folks are shocked that there would be an honorarium suggested for the minister. The reality is that these blessings, weddings, funerals, etc. are extra work in our wee...
Post a Comment
Read more

"And I Scream I'm Not Angry"

There's a Matchbox 20 song called "Angry." Part of the lyrics to the chorus are "and I scream that I'm not angry." It's a good song for when you're angry. But right now there is a burning furnace churning in my core and this song lyric does not fully capture my feelings. Maybe if I was going to sing/scream this in the privacy of my car it would be more along the lines of "and I scream that I'm not angry, I'm pissed as hell!!!" It has been a trying weekend. It is no longer good or healthy for me to be numb. It's time to fight is what comes out over and over again from my core. At the more "nicer" end of my spectrum of anger is just having a good old fashion temper tantrum - kicking, screaming and throwing myself in the floor. At the other end of my spectrum is me wanting to have my own "temple tantrum" similar to the one recorded in the Gospels - Jesus over turning the tables in the temple to make his point. ...
Post a Comment
Read more