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"Til now I always got by on my own"

One of the songs that I thought that I tended to live by is Heart's "Alone." You know the power ballad of "til now I always got by on my own." Good song to sing too. But alas...I think I'm starting to embrace it more then I want to admit. I've prided myself on being an independent person. I know enough to get myself in and out of trouble - hence probably how I've master duct tape. But as I spend about the next 3 weeks house and dog sitting I'm starting to realize how alone I am not. I tend to spend a lot of my time being around people. I sit at coffee shops to do my work, get my caffeine addiction needs met and to be around people. I spend a lot of time checking Facebook so I can see what everyone is doing. I used to think that I could be fine without being around people. But less the 48 hours into my 3 weeks sitting at the house with 3 snoozing puppies makes me uncomfortable. TV and studying only take up so much time. Chores...well that's not all the fun. The puppies can only handle so many walks for certain distances. So I'm left with myself...the things that roll through my head. The past messages I've heard all stuck in my brain playing endlessly. It gets to be noisy after awhile of listening to myself. It gets to be exhausting trying to argue with myself that some of the things I hear in my head, these old tapes, are not valid anymore...they're not me. Which leads me to wonder the next logical question of who is Kate? Ugh. It's frustrating...it's tiring. This is probably why after an hour of meditation and quiet time that I'm ready for a nap. It's interesting that although I thought I was alone I'm not. I carry with my so much crap from others that I'm rarely alone. I'm caught up in other people's stuff. Maybe some day I'll figure out what being alone is really all about.

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