Kelly Clarkson has a new song out called "Dark Side." It asks the question that if someone really knew her dark side would they still love her and would they be willing to know her dark side. It's a very good question. There are many philosophies about people and their dark sides. Basically I think it's the stuff in life that we want to keep covered up. We're not always aware of the stuff in there. Sometimes we are aware that we have stuff there but we try to cover it up and ignore it. We all have them and some people are able to live a life without really ever engaging their dark sides. Then there are others who dive on in and try to work on their dark side. That's what I'm trying to do - explore the stuff in my dark side. The dark side does affect me even when I wish it didn't. It's not an easy process and can be painful. There have been many times were I have been brought to tears and crying to the point of hyper-ventilating. I fight myself often in going to that dark place. I try to go around it and not engage it but in the end I learn more about myself be engaging the process and my dark side. I'm learning to be more self-aware and aware of others. My compassion and empathy are increasing and I know that I'm becoming more connected to the universe and others. I'm becoming more then I was and hope that my dark side will become smaller and I'll find a more holistic person.
Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant. Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to p...
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