Home, it comes from within a wise person told me recently. That's a notion I struggle with. For so many home is a physical place. Maybe you lived there for your whole childhood, maybe it's a place where you had a major life event or two. Maybe it's the places where you felt at peace and rooted. Right now I feel like I embody the song "Motherless Child" - a very long way from home. I do not feel connected to a place. Kentucky was home for 9 solid years but when I left and then went back it clearly was not home. Des Moines is my hometown on paper. Lived there since I was 2. It's the place I've come back to when needing to regroup. May parents and brother are there. My sister is not that far away. But it doesn't feel like home. I feel like a visitor in others' space. I don't see myself being here for an extended period of time, which is not all a bad thing either. So if I don't feel connected to a place then maybe my opening sentence needs further exploration. Home comes from within - feeling rooted to that energy/spark/brahma within yourself. How does one get into better connection with that inner energy? How does one get rooted in one's self. I've been a fan of mediation and journaling for years now. Both are good starts but both have to be done in honest ways. One has to be honest when doing both -truly acknowledging the feelings and emotions that come and go. Being real with myself in those times of quiet and really engage myself of really working at acknowledging this things, letting them speak to me with what needs to be said and then letting them go and pass on through. This is home within. For me it's a work in progress. Some days are better then others. I'll share more as I work on this. To find home within - a long journey of a lifetime.
Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant. Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to p...
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