The World's Okayist Pastor

Having done my fair share of working in retail. With my current job it's not uncommon to make several trips (max I've hit is 5) in the same day to the store to take people shopping. So I'm generally not a fan of going back to the store after work. I ventured out on Saturday to go grocery shopping with my mom after work. While she shopped I walked around, getting a few things I needed for events upcoming, looking at the randomness that is holiday stuff. And then I started to listening to others were saying around me. Some were talking to children, others family and friends and then there was the "take a guess" crowd who were glued to their cell phones.The over arching theme of all of the conversations was this: I have to do this. I have to make this. We need this. We have to be here. We have to see all of these different places. What I found myself wanting to scream was "it all doesn't matter!" "It all doesn't matter." The business, th

This past Saturday a verdict was rendered by 6 people on a jury in the Trayvon Martin murder case in Florida. Mr. Zimmerman was found not guilt. The country has been captivated by this case. A young, African American boy got into a fight with a white man who was on Neighborhood Watch. When things got out of control and Mr. Zimmerman believed his life was in danger he pulled out a gun, that was registered and Mr. Zimmerman had the permit to carry, and used it. Trayvon Martin died due to gun shots. It has become a case that has led to further scrutiny of race relations in America today. It has caused people to take a look at racial profiling. It has caused tensions to rise between those with power and those without. Here's what I know: this needs to be a time where communities and groups  come together to support each other and to  show love to everyone. Whether or not you agree with the verdict of the case, whether or not you believe that this was self defense or racial profilin

Last week, I was a volunteer at Girl Scout Camp. I went so a camper, who has physical conditions, could attend camp and get the medical assistance she needed. What I was looking for was some time away, catch up on some reading, get a little sun and making sure this camper had a good time. What really happened was all of the above and then some. One the second day of camp after getting sun burned, smelling like pool water, sunscreen, sweat and random craft stuff that was on me, a camper came up to me and said "you're pretty." That's it. Simple and to the point. Then she went back to whatever she had been working on. I don't know what led her to come up to someone who was basically a stranger to her and say "you're pretty" but she did. Short, simple and with honesty that only a child can have. It was moving to hear those words. Those two words made my night, made the sunburn more then worth it. They made me feel more loved then I've felt in a l

So May 2013 has been interesting and it's only May 17. Minnesota has legalized same sex unions. Can I saw awesome!?!?! I believe that it is great that people are being afforded the same rights and legal status that others are afforded. So yes I will travel to Minnesota for weddings/unions. Abercrombie & Fitch CEO made a statement that they don't want "fat people" as their employees or customers and intentionally only hire "pretty people" and don't sell clothes above a medium in size. First this is just now news to people? All you have to do is look into their stores to see that big people are not welcome. Their employees have been historically rude to anyone who doesn't belong. Second they have just as much of a right to make clothes that only fit a certain part of the population. It's no different then Catherines or Lane Bryant who make clothes for those larger ladies of the world. Those stores will never carry a small. Should we be boyc

If you were an intern when I was a resident chaplain then you know my simple prayer. It's Really!?!?! I believe that sums up most prayers that come from the heart and it suits many times of crisis and uncertainty. I find that I'm praying that almost constantly daily. From the really you just did/said that with my job to really with what's going on in the world. It's a fitting prayer for many times and places. It's an honest prayer because I know that I don't understand everything that's going on in this world or my life. It can be uttered when one crys, screamed hen angry, laughingly spoken or said in times of thanks and awe that you made it. I get that there's a thought that you should be fairly formal in your prayers. Many people have sold many books trying to teach the art of prayer. While I firmly believe that those books and forms are great for times of formal corporate prayer - when I pray personally I don't really care if I hit a certain

With the bombings at the Boston Marathon today there's still a sense of shock that lingers. That really happened today to a bunch of people running and those watching? It did. We don't know why? No - we don't. It's at times like these when people ask the tough questions of why? Why us? Why did it happen? Why did God/G-d/Allah/Higher Being let this happen? As a pastor I get looked to for answers in times like these and my answer is "I don't know." It's simple and honest. I have no idea how someone or a group of people would think it's okay for whatever reason to kill and hurt so many people. I have no idea what brings about so much hate and anger. Now to the harder why question as a pastor - why did God/G-d/Allah/Higher Being let this happen? I don't believe that God takes any delight in times like these. I don't believe that God wants any part of creation to do these things. I believe in a God that s so big that yes God could stop

My post 2 days ago has been read and shared by several folks to thanks. I got asked a question about my response to the situation so here is why I blogged and why I took my time in posting it. 1- It took me a day to post the blog because I was upset and hurt by the comments made from the women at the other table. Because of that I wanted to take time to think before I blogged. Even when I did blog I still needed time to edit my thoughts. I believe that there is already enough hate and nastiness in the world. I don't want to add to it. Words matter in this world so I took my time in response. 2- I was asked why didn't I say anything to the table of women. I didn't want too is the simplest answer I have. Silence is golden would be the next simple answer. But if I have learned nothing else it is that if someone speaks from a place of hate and ignorance talking to them is seen by the other person has trying to argue with them. Arguments tend to boil down to who is right and

So a friend was going through and sharing some old pictures that I had taken and put on Facebook. So of course I went through my pictures on Facebook. Here's what I noticed: I take more pictures then I am in and if I'm in a picture this above sums up how I'm most often captured - hiding or running away. I don't stop to be in pictures and I honestly don't enjoy pictures. I'm much more comfortable taking the picture then being in one or hiding in the back row if I must be in one. But here's the scarier thing I'm realizing - I'm missing out on things by spending more time hiding from cameras. Since I don't want to be in a picture I'm often captured running away. I wanted to update my profile picture because it's going on 9 months and I don't have a picture to put up there. What message do I send out when I'm so uncomfortable being in front of the camera? Now I firmly believe that shoving a camera in one's face constantly is a

Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant. Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing  and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to p

So yesterday I stopped by a national retailer to pick up a few things on my list and thought "it'll be a nice easy in and out trip. Walking in the first set of automatic doors opened as I approached. Then the second didn't and if you know my skills at paying attention at times. I walked smacked into closed doors which were kind enough to open after I walked into them. So I bounced off the doors and then walked through. The guy at customer serviced stared at me and I shrugged it off. Now this wouldn't be so bad except that as I was leaving and using the other entrance same thing happens. First set of doors open but not the second. With a "Really?" and a sigh I pushed open the automatic door and left the door - starting to wonder if I was going to need to dodge cars or carts. But in thinking about it how often do we all walk into doors in our lives? (metaphorically). Some days we bounce and can just shrug it off. We find ways to either open the door ourselves

Designated prayer person - as clergy in the Christian tradition there is the thought, maybe assumption by some, that we pray over every meal. For those of you who do that - great. I applaud you and your devotion. I, however, am not one of those people. I have developed a more flippant set of prayers that range from "yay God" to "please do not let this go straight to my hips, thighs and butt. Amen." I'm also a champion at the "not it" games of finger on the nose, thumbs on the edge of the table, etc to not be the last person caught not doing this therefore having to pray over a meal. It's not that I don't believe one should be thankful for food, hands who have prepared it and so on and so forth. It's just that I'm tired of being expected to recite rote prayers at meals. I get tired of having to remember who I'm with and where they are theologically and finding a balance of their belief system with mine. Trust me I really don't

So the Bishop of Rome - aka the Pope, head of the Roman Catholic Church - announced that he will be retiring at the end of February. This is historic because it has not happened for 600 years. The last time a pope retired it was during a time of uprising and fighting and there were 3 people claiming to be the Pope. We've all heard the joke that the Pope gave up his job for Lent. It's been rumored by some groups that the Pope is retiring before things come out about clergy misconduct and cover up within the denomination. The Vatican states that the Pope is retiring because his health can no longer meet the demands of the job. Whatever the reason, I think this leaves the world's largest Christian denomination in an interesting place and other denominations as well. It's a time to examine what Church leadership is and what it means to be the head of a religious organization. Regardless of whatever denomination, its leader bears the weight of many. There are expectations

It was thought that the Boy Scouts of America were to vote this past week on the issue of lifting their ban on gay scouts and volunteers. According the Boy Scout officials the decision was pushed to later in the year when they will be meeting at their national convention in Texas to allow all sides more time to, in essence make their case. One side argues that there have always been gay scouts and volunteers within the organization they just haven't professed who they are. They also state that the organization should be open to all to better reflect American society today. Then there's the other side that allowing gays in the Scouts will further erode "American values" and allow pedophiles access to young boys and men. Let me start off by saying that there is no fast answer to this situation and I respect the fact that the Boy Scouts of America are taking their time to make a decision instead of just rushing into something. It's that basic concept of think bef

I have a saying that my clients think is funny, if not repetitive at this point and my co-workers think is me just being sarcastic. But for me it seems to sum up the situation well. I find myself asked my clients "Do I have 'I'm stupid' tattooed across my forehead in ink I can't see?" I ask this in all seriousness when my clients start feeding me a line of complete and utter BS. And then in talking with a friend this afternoon we talked about having messages on us that say "please dump your shit on us." So that makes me wonder - what kinds of invisible ink do we all have scribbled over us? In certain places people think I'm stupid, in others oh she's a "Christian" - whatever that means. It is often easy to take on that invisible ink that others have written on to us and let it seep into our essence of being. It's too easy to allow people to write on us their own messages - full of values and assumptions - on us. And it's e

There's a Matchbox 20 song called "Angry." Part of the lyrics to the chorus are "and I scream that I'm not angry." It's a good song for when you're angry. But right now there is a burning furnace churning in my core and this song lyric does not fully capture my feelings. Maybe if I was going to sing/scream this in the privacy of my car it would be more along the lines of "and I scream that I'm not angry, I'm pissed as hell!!!" It has been a trying weekend. It is no longer good or healthy for me to be numb. It's time to fight is what comes out over and over again from my core. At the more "nicer" end of my spectrum of anger is just having a good old fashion temper tantrum - kicking, screaming and throwing myself in the floor. At the other end of my spectrum is me wanting to have my own "temple tantrum" similar to the one recorded in the Gospels - Jesus over turning the tables in the temple to make his point.

The armor we choose to surround ourselves in is different for every person. It's there for reasons that are personal and sometimes deeply rooted. Some choose to only wear certain types of clothes. I know members of clergy that are so attached to their robes and collared shirts that you wonder if they sleep in them too.  Others hide behind a certain thing: their hair, their glasses, that certain makeup product, their title - you've met that person that's always their title then name. My armor is my size. I make it literally difficult for people to get close to me because I choose to maintain the size I am. Now I will never be a size 0, however, the size I am is an unhealthy armor. It keeps people from truly getting to know me. It's there as a bad coping skill - feel something and eat. When I don't fill my life with good it's pretty easy to fill myself with food in a vain attempt to feel something or to patch the cracks in my life. In all honesty this armor is p

I work in a field that requires a person to wear many hats at once. I'm a parent, protector, educator, counselor, life guru, plumber, cook, driver, activities director, etc, etc. I have to know the people I serve and I have to know them well. And as I received word that one of these people was being immediately discharged from the company I had a two-fold reaction. At first I was happy, relieved, thrilled that this person was gone. The constant neediness 24/7. The constant "hey hey me me me me," the behaviors - oh the behaviors, gone. No more. The house would be quieter, I might be able to actually use the bathroom without someone talking at me through the locked, closed door. It was an end to the pain in my butt that this person had been. I even did a bit of a happy dance. Then came on the second set of emotions: the defeat, failure that every thing we had tried as a team, the counseling -  with real counselors and us, all of the time and energy. The sticking to the

I was raised in a house with guns. My father was/is a hunter. Our holiday meals often depended on what my father had "bagged" in any given year. In good years we even held wild game feeds for friends and family to enjoy. My father is a responsible gun owner. The guns and ammo are locked up. Each of us kids were expected to understand that they were not toys and we all had gun safety classes. My dad took us out to practice shooting and I have to say I'm a better shot then some of the "big bad" boy scouts in my brother's troop. I respect guns, I think they can be pretty interesting. I honestly have no problem with them being in my home or shooting one from time to time. I enjoy the fact that if I choose I can buy a gun. Right now our country has it's panties in a twist about gun control. Let me start by saying that first and foremost there is no "easy answer." I want my freedom just as much as the next person. However, when I look at the histor

Sitting at lunch with my good friend/mentor/pastor/life journey person we noticed a young woman walking into a restaurant next door wearing a very bright jacket. The glow of the neon yellow couldn't help but catch our attentions. Most neon colors do just that - call out for attention. But what was interesting was that this young lady had an additional jacket on - not uncommon when the high for the day is 20 - that was black with a basic pattern. It was the ultimate "don't notice me" jacket. A walking example of the dualism that exists in our lives.This young lady wanted to be seen but at the same time not. Isn't this a visible example of how we are taught to live our lives. We should be seen and out there but at the same time we're told to be mysterious and subdue. Maybe this is more of a girl theme. But men/guys are told to be the macho men but yet go home and be this soft teddy bear. These two ideas stand in opposition to each other. It's not to say th

If I wrote a book... I'm not sure it would make it to the non-fiction section in the bookstores. Some of the things that I have experienced/heard/witnessed too are just things you can't make up but sure sound like it (i.e. a co-worker trying to convince me that a pineapple becomes a watermelon or vice verse - either way it's still messed up). If I wrote a book... I'm not sure that I would know what to fill the pages up with. Would it be to pastoral? Would it be too sarcastic? Would it be too critical? Would it be too "churchy" so that people wouldn't want to read it? If I wrote a book... I'm not sure what I would title it. I don't like coming up with titles period so that would be a major struggle for me. How to be catchy and at the same time honest and real? Then what picture would go on the back for a picture of the author? Since I tend to find ways not to be in pictures maybe a picture of me holding up my hands to the lens would be fitting.

There are days when I sit down to write and think I have something to say or share. And then I manage to sit down and it's gone. The energy and the words flee from my body. I get frustrated with that. In reflection upon this common occurrence it's partly because I want to believe that I'm this perfect person - that maybe for a bit I have my $&!% together. But the reality is - I don't. Many clergy, mental health care workers, doctors, etc don't have it together. They probably never have in their lifetimes and they most likely will only see glimpses of what it might look like being "together." I am convinced that there is not 1 person on planet earth, not even the Dali Lama, who has everything together. So that makes me wonder even more (yes I have spiral thinking processes) - why is it so important to get your stuff together? Why is it key and a sign of how great you are as an individual that you have your life together? It's partly a way for comp

What has become more and more abundantly clear to me lately is that my angry self is coming out more and more. I'm pissed about work and where my life is/is not. I'm angry about laws and government rulings that affect me across the board. I'm angry that the "Church" sucks at being the "Church." I'm angry that I don't know how to express this anger in a constructive or healthy way. Anger is something that can sneak up on you and then it's unleashed. My anger I'm learning with the help of my spiritual director is a sign that I have not let my higher self be in the driver's seat. That I am out of balance. This is not to say that one does not get angry when the situation warrants it. However, when it's a constant feeling that you must spend time pushing anger down into its place, in your guts, you are out of balance and that's where I find myself - out of balance. And lets think about my relationship with God - who seems to be an