What has become more and more abundantly clear to me lately is that my angry self is coming out more and more. I'm pissed about work and where my life is/is not. I'm angry about laws and government rulings that affect me across the board. I'm angry that the "Church" sucks at being the "Church." I'm angry that I don't know how to express this anger in a constructive or healthy way. Anger is something that can sneak up on you and then it's unleashed. My anger I'm learning with the help of my spiritual director is a sign that I have not let my higher self be in the driver's seat. That I am out of balance. This is not to say that one does not get angry when the situation warrants it. However, when it's a constant feeling that you must spend time pushing anger down into its place, in your guts, you are out of balance and that's where I find myself - out of balance. And lets think about my relationship with God - who seems to be an easy target of my anger. Would you like to be around someone who is angry at you all of the time? No. So why would God be so thrilled that God is the target of my anger and unhappiness. Not a healthy relationship there. So back to finding balance. Back to attempting to realize that anger has a place and a time but that it's not healthy or holistic to live in anger for long periods of time. It takes a conscious effort to put the Higher Self in charge and to learn to allow these different pieces of me to have their place and time as needed. This is my constant struggle.
Happy New Year's Eve! 2024 is almost gone as I type this. And it's been ... a year. To whomever may be reading this know this: I'm glad you made it through 2024. You're you and you're here. That's enough. Whether you met your goal/goals or not, you survived. You're still breathing - even if it's hard to do sometimes. I'm proud of you. Keep going. Even if all you can manage is the next minute. Keep going. Here is my updates and reflection on 2024. The biggest thing for me has been my move and new ministry in Wisconsin. I said goodbye to two lovely rural Nebraska churches in February and started my new ministry in Wisconsin March 1. It was funny that I was actually attending a UCCB meeting in Ohio when I officially met my new conference minister in person on March 1. God has a sense of humor. This past 9 months has been learning about the systems of the church and the community and trying to find my place. I haven't been perfect in this, but I...
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