I'm still processing my trip to Kentucky and back. Many things just hit me and I had a lot of time to think while driving (20 hours give or take). I thought, I listened to music - sometimes singing, sometimes just letting the words into my soul, I sat in quiet, I cried, I laughed, I reflected on the creation that was around me. I commented on other people's driving skills or lack there of. I prayed and tried to search for that core of essence within myself. It was a very deep time for me and my soul. I am probably more tired because of the work and searching I was doing then from the driving. But what became clear to me more then anything else on those interstates through corn and soybean fields was that my spirit was, is, being crushed by where I am and what I do. Things and places can help for a time or a season and that's the hard part of figuring out when that time or season have come to an end. Wanting to hold on because of ego crap, to hold on because of fear. It is time to change so my spirit can be free and not smashed into a little box or have pieces chipped away from me. I am scared as hell about what this all means but I guess here goes nothing. What else do I have to lose other then my spirit right?
Last night I had dinner at a restaurant I eat at at least twice a month. Usually I'm in a group but I was by myself. It's not often that I have time by myself right now so I welcomed the time to sit and eat food someone else cooked. I sat in the booth by myself and kept to myself. I had a book with me and my palm labyrinth so I was entertained and felt like it would be a productive time to self and with my self. But the comments from the trio of ladies across from me was anything less then pleasant. Now if you don't know me let me be clear, I am a big lady. I believe the clinical definition of my size would be morbidly obese. I am aware that I take up more physical space then I should. I don't fit into every booth in a restaurant. Believe it or not I do own a mirror and do use it even though I don't enjoy it. I am also aware that I am my size by my own doing and no one else's. I do not expect the world to accommodate me for being this way. If you want me to p...
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