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Pastor, When Are You Going to Get Married?

As a pastor, folks feel the need to share things with me, whether they are appropriate or not. A common phrase I've heard off and on during my ministry, and it has gained a grand reprise now that I am the last of my siblings to be single, is "pastor, when are you going to get married?" My most "favorite" incarnation of this came when the church board was asking about my insurance coverage and it was suggested that I should get married to a guy who has a good plan I could join. Creative...maybe. Had that thought crossed my mind? Yes but I also never said that out loud and never planned on that being a solution.

So if folks really want to know when I'm going to get married here is the long answer:
I will get marred when I find the right person to marry. The right person will be a man who can handle and respect the fact that I am fat and an ordained minister. The right person will be a man who can handle and respect the fact that I am not here to be a challenge or notch on a bedpost, nor am I the person who wants to hear and pardon all of their sins.

But there’s a bigger issue here. Is it appropriate to ask me this? I would argue that asking when you’re going to get married is not an appropriate question to ask any single person, ever. I get that social norms makes people question why I’m 35 and still single. I get that there is a belief by some Christians, that I really went to seminary in order to find a good pastor husband for myself - this also implies several other issues but that’s for another blog post. There are also some in the Church that would even go as far as to argue that I’m not as relatable as I could be since I’m still very single.

I understand that people care and want me to be happy - okay I really just hope this of everyone who asks me this. I know that some people are just flat out noises and have limited boundaries. But I can be just as happy singles as I could be married and/or in a committed relationship. If and when things work out in my social life that will be great. If they don’t work out in that one area of my life that’s okay too. I have the love of my dog, my friends and family, and lots of other stuff going for me. Let’s celebrate all of that and stop pushing the minister to get married.
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Comments

  1. BrigitOctober 5, 2017 at 10:18 AM

    Amen, Sister! You are a beautiful and blessed colleague and friend and I am thankful for your willingness to be direct and caring in your life and ministry!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Melissa SternhagenOctober 7, 2017 at 5:57 AM

    No doubt. The only time no one asks when you are getting married is when you are single and gay...then they dread hearing those words!

    ReplyDelete

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