Scripture Reading 1 Samuel 1:4-20 (New Revised Standard Version)
4On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters; 5but to Hannah he gave a double portion,* because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. 6Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. 7So it went on year after year; as often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. 8Her husband Elkanah said to her, ‘Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?’
9 After they had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, Hannah rose and presented herself before the Lord.* Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. 10She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord, and wept bitterly. 11She made this vow: ‘O Lord of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant, and remember me, and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite* until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants,* and no razor shall touch his head.’
12 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14So Eli said to her, ‘How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.’ 15But Hannah answered, ‘No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. 16Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.’ 17Then Eli answered, ‘Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.’ 18And she said, ‘Let your servant find favour in your sight.’ Then the woman went to her quarters,* ate and drank with her husband,* and her countenance was sad no longer.*
19 They rose early in the morning and worshipped before the Lord; then they went back to their house at Ramah. Elkanah knew his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. 20In due time Hannah conceived and bore a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, ‘I have asked him of the Lord.’
This morning we are talking about the Thanksgiving offering, 1 of the 5 special offerings collected across the denomination. This offering supports our colleges, universities, seminaries and divinity houses. I’d like to share with you glimpses of my journey that has led me into ordained ministry.
Ministry is not the most popular choice to make in high school. Guidance counselors don’t exactly know what to do with you because it’s not something they hear often. So when I started saying I was going to be a minister around my high school, I got a lot of strange looks. But to me, my family and my church it wasn’t really that much of a shock. It was something that just seemed to be a natural fit to me. I was the band geek and the drama nerd but I was also one of those churchy kids. I served faithfully on several committees, sang in choir, played in the hand bell choir and also served on the region’s youth council.
I went to Transylvania University in Lexington, one of the Disciples undergraduate schools, and that was no big surprise. Things seemed to fit me well and I majored in religion and got 2 “almost minors” in sociology and education. I interned during the summers at congregations, attended General Assemblies, Ecumenical gatherings and was part of the Disciples on Campus group. Things just came together for me and the path was good. I had great mentors and great experiences that I relied upon. They seemed to be giving me a resounding “amen” to where I saw my life heading.
Then came this thing called seminary. I had ideas that I would sail through in 3 years and then it would be on to this thing called full-time ministry. But 3 years turned into 5. See the ideas and visions I had about how seminary was to go weren’t what I needed to do to become the person and minister I am today.
My first year of seminary was one that could have very well broken me. Reality set in of bills and the other costs needed to live. I didn’t get a placement right away with a congregation so I got a job in retail. But when I did get a congregation I was still working retail and trying to be super student and things became too much for me. Something had to give and it was my grades. I was burnt out, stressed out and just exhausted trying to get things and learn theological terms. My second semester I strived to find a better balance in my life and I worked hard to get my grades up, which I did. But even with all of my efforts I was still asked to leave seminary. The news was devastating to me. I felt like I had completely lost a part of me. I spent a lot of time crying and panicking - trying to figure out what I was going to do. I didn’t want the reality of the situation to be true. I spent a lot of time asking “why me?” and “what am I going to do now?” I felt like God had forgotten about me. I felt confused and ashamed. I’ll even admit to having some very strained but open conversations with God. I know that I was yelling at God and asking why bring this far to just leave me. I was angry with God because what I saw others achieving and getting and I wanted it but it seemed ripped away from me.
But soon after a new plan came into focus. I figured out a way to stay in Lexington. I spent the next year working in a church as the administrative assistant and regrouping. I prayed a lot and spent a lot of time studying and figuring out where God wanted to me to be. I had to discern what ministry really meant and that maybe my plans were not God’s plans. I found ministry sitting at the computer and answering phones as the church secretary. I ministered and built a community as I cleaned and set up tables and chairs for events in that church. I learned my boundaries and where I needed to stand on issues of the church and learned from observation and presence that I wanted to be and what a minister meant for me.
Ultimately I reapplied and went back to seminary. There I spent more time learning, praying, laughing and meeting great people as I studied. And when I returned to seminary I had new life lessons to use in my seminary career. I was blessed to study a variety of topics with wonderful professors and classmates. I learned the art of being a spiritual director, became a theologian, something I didn’t think was possible. I was blessed to work in several different congregations across Kentucky developing my skills and also discerning where God wants me to be.
Hannah was a woman who felt abandoned by God. In biblical times, a woman was valued by her fertility, and her inability to produce a male heir especially would have made her an outcast among the community women. She would have been seen as broken. And Hannah felt like that. She wanted to know why she had to live with this fate, barrenness. But even though Hannah questioned why she had to experience what she did, she never lost her faith. Hannah still continued to have conversations with God even though she was asking God why. Her faith just grew and changed in ways that weren’t visible just yet.
One of the most wonderful opportunities I had in seminary came this past January. As part of the seminary requirements each student is to attend an immersion experience. I choose to go to Appalachia for 15 days with a group of students from Pacific School of Religion in Berkley, California. We were strangers at first but at the end of the trip we were a family. We toured the Kentucky portion of Appalachia studying the areas of faith, health and economics in the area. What we all discovered was that the faith of these people, some of who have never left their holler literally, has a faith so great that it floored us.
One of the first places we toured was a mission site run by Ms. Dora. Dora is an elderly lady who has never driven, has never left her county and is a woman of strong faith conviction. Dora had spent most of her life living with and caring for her mother. When her mother passed away Dora thought that her world had ended. She didn’t know what to do anymore because what had been her ministry of caring for her mother was gone and this void appeared. Dora spent many hours praying and finally in her words, “just gave it up and turned it over to God.” When she did this Dora said that God showed her that her community and neighbors needed someone to minister to them with care. Dora took the $35 she had and started opening her home up as a work site for groups to stay at. In return Dora coordinated work sites for people to go to. Today Dora’s summer work camps are booked 8 months in advance, she reaches out to people in her county and the 6 surrounding it. Her house has been added onto and now houses dormitories with bunk beds for the workers. The children in the community also can have Christmas presents and school supplies all because Dora gets on the phone and cares for her community. Dora took her barrenness and turned it into a ministry of social care and justice.
One cannot help but be changed by this experience or the seminary experience. Just like Hannah there were many times and especially in the first year, where I cried and begged to understand what was going on with my own personal barrenness. I pleaded with God to tell me why it seemed like God’s favour had left me. But as time passed I saw that things were going in the direction that God had told me about. I was truly blessed but at that moment I couldn’t see it.
This year has been a hard one for us in the US. I don’t have to tell you the reality of the financial situations that people face. People have come to find barrenness in a variety ways for a variety of reasons. We look at ourselves as not being whole and although some people aren’t as brave as I am to yell at God, we question why? We want the answers.
Well I can’t give you those answers. That is the paradox that we Christians live in. Things don’t always come out right or what our visions are fade but in reality maybe just how we look at the situation changes. Maybe these moments of doubt can lead us to becoming more faithful. Maybe they can teach us more then we ever thought. It hurts at time and that pain is true and real but in that pain once we get away we find that God is still there.
So here I stand today, ordained and a seminary grad. God has brought me through and fulfilled all promises made to me in ways I never thought possible. And just like Hannah did at the birth of Samuel, I too wake up early now and give God thanks and praise for this journey. I know that I am exactly where I am meant to be and that ministry only holds many more opportunities for me. And for your support of the Thanksgiving offering I raise my hands to God and say thank you. You have helped make me who I am now and I am eternally grateful.
Let us all go out into the world like Hannah praising God and giving back a small offering for all of the great things that God has done for us. Let us remember that where we see barrenness, God sees opportunity. Amen.
4On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters; 5but to Hannah he gave a double portion,* because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. 6Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. 7So it went on year after year; as often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. 8Her husband Elkanah said to her, ‘Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?’
9 After they had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, Hannah rose and presented herself before the Lord.* Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. 10She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord, and wept bitterly. 11She made this vow: ‘O Lord of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant, and remember me, and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite* until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants,* and no razor shall touch his head.’
12 As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. 13Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. 14So Eli said to her, ‘How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.’ 15But Hannah answered, ‘No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. 16Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.’ 17Then Eli answered, ‘Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.’ 18And she said, ‘Let your servant find favour in your sight.’ Then the woman went to her quarters,* ate and drank with her husband,* and her countenance was sad no longer.*
19 They rose early in the morning and worshipped before the Lord; then they went back to their house at Ramah. Elkanah knew his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. 20In due time Hannah conceived and bore a son. She named him Samuel, for she said, ‘I have asked him of the Lord.’
This morning we are talking about the Thanksgiving offering, 1 of the 5 special offerings collected across the denomination. This offering supports our colleges, universities, seminaries and divinity houses. I’d like to share with you glimpses of my journey that has led me into ordained ministry.
Ministry is not the most popular choice to make in high school. Guidance counselors don’t exactly know what to do with you because it’s not something they hear often. So when I started saying I was going to be a minister around my high school, I got a lot of strange looks. But to me, my family and my church it wasn’t really that much of a shock. It was something that just seemed to be a natural fit to me. I was the band geek and the drama nerd but I was also one of those churchy kids. I served faithfully on several committees, sang in choir, played in the hand bell choir and also served on the region’s youth council.
I went to Transylvania University in Lexington, one of the Disciples undergraduate schools, and that was no big surprise. Things seemed to fit me well and I majored in religion and got 2 “almost minors” in sociology and education. I interned during the summers at congregations, attended General Assemblies, Ecumenical gatherings and was part of the Disciples on Campus group. Things just came together for me and the path was good. I had great mentors and great experiences that I relied upon. They seemed to be giving me a resounding “amen” to where I saw my life heading.
Then came this thing called seminary. I had ideas that I would sail through in 3 years and then it would be on to this thing called full-time ministry. But 3 years turned into 5. See the ideas and visions I had about how seminary was to go weren’t what I needed to do to become the person and minister I am today.
My first year of seminary was one that could have very well broken me. Reality set in of bills and the other costs needed to live. I didn’t get a placement right away with a congregation so I got a job in retail. But when I did get a congregation I was still working retail and trying to be super student and things became too much for me. Something had to give and it was my grades. I was burnt out, stressed out and just exhausted trying to get things and learn theological terms. My second semester I strived to find a better balance in my life and I worked hard to get my grades up, which I did. But even with all of my efforts I was still asked to leave seminary. The news was devastating to me. I felt like I had completely lost a part of me. I spent a lot of time crying and panicking - trying to figure out what I was going to do. I didn’t want the reality of the situation to be true. I spent a lot of time asking “why me?” and “what am I going to do now?” I felt like God had forgotten about me. I felt confused and ashamed. I’ll even admit to having some very strained but open conversations with God. I know that I was yelling at God and asking why bring this far to just leave me. I was angry with God because what I saw others achieving and getting and I wanted it but it seemed ripped away from me.
But soon after a new plan came into focus. I figured out a way to stay in Lexington. I spent the next year working in a church as the administrative assistant and regrouping. I prayed a lot and spent a lot of time studying and figuring out where God wanted to me to be. I had to discern what ministry really meant and that maybe my plans were not God’s plans. I found ministry sitting at the computer and answering phones as the church secretary. I ministered and built a community as I cleaned and set up tables and chairs for events in that church. I learned my boundaries and where I needed to stand on issues of the church and learned from observation and presence that I wanted to be and what a minister meant for me.
Ultimately I reapplied and went back to seminary. There I spent more time learning, praying, laughing and meeting great people as I studied. And when I returned to seminary I had new life lessons to use in my seminary career. I was blessed to study a variety of topics with wonderful professors and classmates. I learned the art of being a spiritual director, became a theologian, something I didn’t think was possible. I was blessed to work in several different congregations across Kentucky developing my skills and also discerning where God wants me to be.
Hannah was a woman who felt abandoned by God. In biblical times, a woman was valued by her fertility, and her inability to produce a male heir especially would have made her an outcast among the community women. She would have been seen as broken. And Hannah felt like that. She wanted to know why she had to live with this fate, barrenness. But even though Hannah questioned why she had to experience what she did, she never lost her faith. Hannah still continued to have conversations with God even though she was asking God why. Her faith just grew and changed in ways that weren’t visible just yet.
One of the most wonderful opportunities I had in seminary came this past January. As part of the seminary requirements each student is to attend an immersion experience. I choose to go to Appalachia for 15 days with a group of students from Pacific School of Religion in Berkley, California. We were strangers at first but at the end of the trip we were a family. We toured the Kentucky portion of Appalachia studying the areas of faith, health and economics in the area. What we all discovered was that the faith of these people, some of who have never left their holler literally, has a faith so great that it floored us.
One of the first places we toured was a mission site run by Ms. Dora. Dora is an elderly lady who has never driven, has never left her county and is a woman of strong faith conviction. Dora had spent most of her life living with and caring for her mother. When her mother passed away Dora thought that her world had ended. She didn’t know what to do anymore because what had been her ministry of caring for her mother was gone and this void appeared. Dora spent many hours praying and finally in her words, “just gave it up and turned it over to God.” When she did this Dora said that God showed her that her community and neighbors needed someone to minister to them with care. Dora took the $35 she had and started opening her home up as a work site for groups to stay at. In return Dora coordinated work sites for people to go to. Today Dora’s summer work camps are booked 8 months in advance, she reaches out to people in her county and the 6 surrounding it. Her house has been added onto and now houses dormitories with bunk beds for the workers. The children in the community also can have Christmas presents and school supplies all because Dora gets on the phone and cares for her community. Dora took her barrenness and turned it into a ministry of social care and justice.
One cannot help but be changed by this experience or the seminary experience. Just like Hannah there were many times and especially in the first year, where I cried and begged to understand what was going on with my own personal barrenness. I pleaded with God to tell me why it seemed like God’s favour had left me. But as time passed I saw that things were going in the direction that God had told me about. I was truly blessed but at that moment I couldn’t see it.
This year has been a hard one for us in the US. I don’t have to tell you the reality of the financial situations that people face. People have come to find barrenness in a variety ways for a variety of reasons. We look at ourselves as not being whole and although some people aren’t as brave as I am to yell at God, we question why? We want the answers.
Well I can’t give you those answers. That is the paradox that we Christians live in. Things don’t always come out right or what our visions are fade but in reality maybe just how we look at the situation changes. Maybe these moments of doubt can lead us to becoming more faithful. Maybe they can teach us more then we ever thought. It hurts at time and that pain is true and real but in that pain once we get away we find that God is still there.
So here I stand today, ordained and a seminary grad. God has brought me through and fulfilled all promises made to me in ways I never thought possible. And just like Hannah did at the birth of Samuel, I too wake up early now and give God thanks and praise for this journey. I know that I am exactly where I am meant to be and that ministry only holds many more opportunities for me. And for your support of the Thanksgiving offering I raise my hands to God and say thank you. You have helped make me who I am now and I am eternally grateful.
Let us all go out into the world like Hannah praising God and giving back a small offering for all of the great things that God has done for us. Let us remember that where we see barrenness, God sees opportunity. Amen.
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